I use a word like "agender" to help others understand who I am, but if you were to ask me on a deeper level, I would say no words really fit me. Agender doesn't convey the truth, but if I were to say that I am gender-less, I am nothing, I am just a creature who exists, the world wouldn't understand.
It's not as if I believe myself to be above labels; labels are good, they are useful, they help us make sense of the world and in turn, the world can make sense of us. But I know, deep down, that I am only a being created of stardust. I am here by happenstance. I was borne out of choices made by ancient humans long before I was ever even a thought in the mind of the universe, and to me that goes beyond any words the world can use to pin me down. I just am. I am everything and I am nothing all in one.
Society will call me a woman because of the body parts I possess. Politicians will make laws because of those parts, because those not born to them seem to believe they have the qualifications to dictate what happens inside them. I live my life wondering if I would feel differently had I been born with different parts, but understanding deep in my soul that, no, I would not. This is who I am. This is who I always have been. This is who I will always be.
The world may not understand who I am, not really, not ever, but I understand who I am. They try to tell me I am confused, that I don't know my mind, but I have been living with my mind for decades now.
If i would not know myself now, when would I know myself ever?
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