What Queer Means to Me

 What Queer Means to Me

By Sheri Paulson

 

 

                Queer means my bisexual daughter-in-law who brought my son out of his depression and dark days back to his fun, silly, naughty, and playful self.  I am forever grateful that she is my daughter-in-law and that she loves my son and saved him and brought him back to himself.

                                Queer means my nephew and niece’s children Shaelie who goes by Lee and her pronouns are she/her/he/him, and Drew who’s pronouns are them/they.  I admire not only my nephew and niece for showing their children unconditional love and educating themselves about the LGBTIQ community, but also admire Lee and Drew for being themselves.  In a world that is unkind these teenagers are so courageous and strong, much stronger than I could be.  What a great support system their parents have been.

                Queer means my friend Bill who after 36 years of marriage and three children (who are all adults and have families of their own) announced that he is gay and wants to live the rest of his life being happy and not hiding behind what he thought he had to be to please those around him. Bill is the kindest man with a huge heart. While this decision was hard on his family they all are working on keeping the lines of communication open, and continue to get together to celebrate the holidays and birthdays as a family. Even though Bill has divorced his wife and moved out of the home that they built together Bill and his ex-wife remain cordial. This has shown me that acceptance, love, patience, and honesty will hold a family bond together even when the family is broken.

Queer means my cousin’s son Dalton who was being harassed in the town that they lived in so the family packed up and moved to a community where he would be more accepted. What a selfless act this family made to put Dalton’s wellbeing above their own.

Queer means Santi Murillo.  I do not know Santi but my daughter cheered with her for the University of Wyoming.  I watched Santi change from her first year cheering dressed as the boys did to making her change onto the all-girl squad.  After my daughter graduated and we went back for a game, I was in AWE of how beautiful and confident Santi looked.  I was happy to know that the coaches could see that she was unhappy and talked with her.  I really admire Santi and the determination she had in high school and college to be herself.

Queer means me. I dislike sex.  I never really have and it has been at the center of most of my marital fights. I have been married 34 years and have been blessed with three amazing children.  I performed my “wifely duty” because that is what I am supposed to do or so I thought.  I prayed for years that my husband would lose his sex drive and at 57 years old he is starting to.  I have been accused of cheating because if I am not wanting sex with my husband I must be getting it from somewhere else.  Nope not interested in sex with anyone. I have struggled with being “not normal” but I am learning I am not alone.

Being Queer has several meanings strange, odd, gay, homosexual, lesbian, to spoil, or ruin. What I have learned about being Queer is taking control of who you are and accepting your queerness.  I love that the word Queer was taken back.  Taken from being a derogatory term to one that is an umbrella term where people can gather under the umbrella and are able to be themselves.