Monday, March 28, 2022

OCPD

Get dressed. 

Don't wear blue, you can't wear blue on a Tuesday. 

You are going to be late. 

Look in the mirror. 

That one piece of hair still won't fall to the left side of your head. 

Spend 15 minutes brushing it out till your scalp feels a bit numb. 

Ok now go get some breakfast. 

Wait, why is juice not in the door of the fridge. 

Spend 5 minutes reorganizing the fridge. 

Ok you do not have time to eat now, grab something quick. 

Get to class. 

Pull out your iPad to take note. 

Shit, there is a crease in the screen protector. 

Nice, when did that happen? 

Spend the whole class obsessing over the crease in the screen protector and take no notes. 

Kayla asked to hang out. 

I have to fix my iPad first though. 

Tell her no you are too busy, she'll complain that I am always "too busy".

Go home to do homework.

But first fix the screen. 

Spend 2 hours making sure that it is right, nice and center with nothing under the screen protector. 

Crap, no time for homework.

BS the assignment just to turn it in. 

Get in the shower to go to bed. 

Make sure the bed has no wrinkles in it. 

The blankets have to be even on each side and they have to touch the top of the bed. 

Lay down. 

Nope not right. 

Get up and do it all over again. 

Lay down. 

Nope. 

Get up. 

Fix.

Lay down. 

Nope. 

Get up. 

Fix.

Lay down. 

That's better. 

Go to sleep. 

Repeat the next day. 

Not all disabilities are seen. 

Learning Through my Niece's Eyes

 

To Learn,

To Love,

To Grow.

To be Open

In both Mind and Heart.

To Look at the World

Through someone else's eyes.

That is the true crystal ball,

The Teller of Truth, of the Future

That lies ahead.

It is the best we can give unto one another.

The most precious gift.

Bringing with it both 

Peace and Calm.

 

   This past week, I had a wonderful Spring Break, with my niece in town, I got a chance to hang out with her for the first time in a long while. She has been going through a great deal, first with the isolation due to Covid, as a preadolescent -- what with Colorado being a bit more stringent with their protocols and lock down(s) -- it was difficult for her to adjust to things like not being able to see her friends, to connect face-to-face with others her age. Aside from the issues surrounding the pandemic, Akcera, as she prefers to be known by, has come forward to her parents, myself, and the rest of the family as being gender fluid. She still wishes to be referenced using she/her/hers pronouns, and is still learning a great deal about herself, as she moves into these adolescent years, along with the world which surrounds her. 

    She is at a time in her life when she feels as though she's in a sort of limbo, not quite a little kid anymore, but not quite a grown-up, either. I remember what this felt like, so many years ago, and it was no walk in the park, and I recall very clearly the struggles I went through. Although, for my niece, the battles she encounters are much different from my own; I am a cisgender female, and she is experiencing a change within herself that I never tackled. It's not altogether easy for me to put into words, at least not as clearly as I would like, but I am aware that now the best thing I and everyone can do for her is to simply listen, because we are all still striving to understand. I love my niece, our whole family adores her, she is a brave, strong, intelligent, and beautiful young person, who I can see growing into the most amazing adult I'll ever have the privilege of knowing.

Monday, March 21, 2022

Love me

 Love me

I am,

I was,

I will be,

The one person to love till the end of time

I will love me.

Because loving me may be

Tough,

A journey,

or

Confusing.

But loving me will be,

Exciting,

Encouraging,

And

Gratifying.

I am,

I was,

I will be,

Loving me.

Poem from excerpts of news articles surrounding the death of Matthew Shepard and the Wyoming State Senate Budget Meeting

 Poem from excerpts of news articles surrounding the death of Matthew Shepard and the Wyoming State Senate Budget Meeting


tied to a rail fence 

on the cold high prairie,

National Outrage 

at the Death of a Fairy


“Ordinary, kid”

left to die 

The loss "never heals," his father told "Nightline."


A promising young life– 

Matthew Shepard

–Cut Short

McKinney left Shepard 

to die

The nation mourns


Wyoming remains “deeply defensive”

“The Laramie Project” deemed too expensive 


Funeral protested by westboro baptists 

“Then they left Shepard 

in the cold frigid darkness”





Wyoming state Senate

Wins vote to cut queer

Senators divided 

This will make their career


to gain knowledge of

oppression 

Educational funding on 

Senate discretion 


direct our funds in a more– 

appropriate manner

–Cut Short

it was passed by a single vote

What are we doing with these courses?


“Senators vote your conscience on this one”

Wyoming constituents stay good and Christian 


social justice theories 

into service and activism

Can we save our students 

from falling for facism


Friday, March 4, 2022

A short list of (mostly YA) fiction books with LGBTQ+ representation

1.) Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender - This is a cute novel about a black, queer, trans teenager named Felix Love. This story follows his journey of sexuality/gender exploration, familial heartbreak, being outed at school, a love triangle featuring his best friend and his best friend's ex, and more. There are discussions about identity, transphobia, racism, socioeconomic status, and more. It's a story about falling in love and recognizing the love you deserve. This book is easily a 5-star read and I can’t recommend it enough. (As affiliates of UW, we all have free access to an e-book app called Libby/Overdrive where you can read or listen to this book for free!)


2.) Odd One Out by Nic Stone - Such a sweet book that swaps character each chapter. Throughout these alternating and interlacing chapters, there is bisexual and BIPOC representation partnered with powerful friendship, flirty banter, new crushes, and high school drama. You’ll find yourself invested in the characters, but still torn about who should end up with who. With such raw and real writing, the author encourages readers to consider the difficulties of young people who are facing various levels of adversity, ranging from racism, confusion about sexuality, what to do when you fall for your best friend, and more. You might also recognize this author from her debut novel Dear Martin.


3.) Rainbow Boys by Alex Sanchez - The first of a trilogy, this book follows three boys attending the same high school: the school “f*g”, the superstar athlete, and a quiet boy who gets caught in the middle. The story begins with them all coincidentally attending the same LGBTQ+ youth support group and from there, the drama unfolds. This book was published in 2001 so it’s quite a bit older than the others on this list, and truthfully, the writing isn’t the best ever. However, it was ahead of it’s time in some ways and deals with important topics like sexual assault among the queer community, physical abuse from family, and bullying in public school--and it’s a pretty short and easy read.


4.) Look Both Ways by Jason Reynolds - The official description of this book is the truly the best summary, “In Look Both Ways, Jason Reynolds weaves ten tales (one per block) about what happens after the dismissal bell rings, into one wickedly funny, piercingly poignant look at the detours we face on the walk home, and in life.” It features a gender-bending main character, and is based on real events. I clearly have a book-type because this is another story that changes perspective with each chapter, and it teaches you that perspective truly means everything. (I would recommend looking up trigger warnings, there is some heavy content related to homophobia and disability.)

 

5.) The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid - This one is a bit more mature than the others listed here, and it’s heavier on historical fiction side. This book is the most recently published as well (from this list), and it is very popular on social media right now so we can’t seem to keep it on the shelf at Coe Library. Admittedly, I’m only part way through but I feel like it’s worthy of a recommendation because it is so, so, so good. Between ambitious women, Hollywood drama, forbidden love, sapphic romance, dark academia vibes, and everything else…it has me hooked. Considerably less focused on other social justice issues, but still worth the read.

Thursday, March 3, 2022

You

 

You

 

What is You?

Long hair to Your waist.

Sharp eyeliner on Your eye.

Rip jeans hanging from Your hips.

Old sneakers on Your feet.

Heavy blush on Your cheeks.

This is You.

Being unapologetically

You.

Why is it so hard to be You?

Is it because of the way Your hair tangles?

Is it because of the uneven eyeliner on Your eye?

Is it because of the way Your jeans are ripped?

Is it because of the holes in Your sneakers?

Is it because of the barbie doll blush on Your face?

Is it because…?

No.

Because You are You.

Being You is the best feeling You should feel.

This is Your world.

Your mind.

Your power.

Take control of what is You.

Wednesday, March 2, 2022

Weighted

Heavy the head,

weighted with iron.

An anchor halts a ship,

arresting its mass.

Ceasing its race.

 All clarity sinking into the murky

depths of a vast sea.

 

Heavy the heart,

burdened with stone.

A swift pain rises with each slab laid.

Breathing labored, chest tightening.

The animal prodded, thrust back,

again and again, into its cage.

 

To what is this weight owed?

Whom smithied the anchor?

Whom shaped the stone?

Constructing the shame of its unbearable 

weight, as it presses upon the soul, 

until the once cool and cleansing breaths end as though

they never were. 

To what, to whom does the blame

of this weight fall? 

 

 

            As our studies in Queer Theory have progressed, I have come to see the many facets in which it exists, for so many peoples, including for myself. I was born with -- as well as came to develop further as I grew older -- disabilities that cannot be seen at the onset. Microphthalmia, Epilepsy, pieces of my physiology that I have been judged because of, shamed, made to see the "different", rather than allowed to see the "same." I felt the weight, I became friends with the sense of shame, familiar with its presence. It took many years of my life to break away from that friendship with shame, and there are times when I still struggle, and I wonder why and who made it so, in the perception of society, I was poised to be a person whom "didn't quite fit." These pieces made me who I am in so many ways, because they shaped me, molded me to view myself, and the world in a completely new way. It is in this societal perception of being "different" that I can connect with the many narratives of so many people whom have experienced it, too. I have come to realize that not fitting into a niche is really quite a beautiful thing, and in that realization, I have found that it is each of us whom bares a responsibility, thereby, to expand, to grow, to reshape our thinking and understanding to accept that there really are no niches at all, except those which were created by others for us.